Damaged Goods

I recall very vividly that as a child every time my mother asked me to wait in the car while she would run an errand that this was her plan to leave me. It never occured to me to ask myself why my loving mother would leave me or how she was planning on getting home with out the car but I always tried to keep a quarter in my pocket as my first avenue for survival would be trying to call my dad. I always needed to be prepared for the worst. I think this must have been a sign of a somewhat disturbed child. I think that that child has grown into an abnormally untrusting adult. I feel that at this point I now fully trust my mother as well as most of my family members. I think this mainly comes up in my romantic relationships. I have always been very good at being in relationships, however, I do not believe that I have ever truly trusted a significant other. I am currently in a loving relationship, yet I always feel as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feelings of inadequecy run through my head at every whispered "I love you." "He doesn't really mean it" my head shouts, "the others who have said that in the past, where are they now?" Finally the loudest voice of all "why would anyone want to be with you?" So because I am in a relationship I have opened my heart up to love and these thoughts snuck in as well. So I seem to be always a little more depressed when I am in love. Maybe I am alone in this, being damaged goods.